What will happen in my marriage?

          My sister is married. My cousin…psst…sh… So in my generation i am the last man standing. It might be really far-far away. But my dad always tells me not to do the work in the eleventh hour. So let us start planning.

 1.SPONSORSHIP

           I shall hire some juniors from college, ensure that they go around to meet companies like Shaadi.com, BharathMatrimony.com, Nalli, Kumaran, Pujari services etc. with brochures and presentations.                                                                                                        I am someone who looks at social issues. So Shaadi.com and others should necessarily hook-up single engineers with really good looking HR chics. I shall ask my sister and Rahul (Both HR Managers) to necessarily bring HR Management trainees to the function. This is based on the hypothesis that all Mgmt trainees are jobless and will take up any work.

         There shall be T-shirt design, Informals,Movies spoofs… In short it will be a Cultural extravaganja..sorry… extravaganza.                                                                                                                                     Estimated sponsorship (with PPP index and Inflation correction with base year as 1993) = 6-8 Lakhs

2.  CREDIT CARD PROCEDURE :

              – Enter hall with Credit Card (All international and major credit cards will be accepted)

              – DEBIT THE AMOUNT…DEBIT the amount by swiping at the entrance of the marraige hall.

              – The programming will be like this… 

                       if ( entrant == relative)

                             Min = 500$;

                      if ( entrant == Manager&& entrant=relative)

                               Min =800$

             – If the amount is found unsatisfactory, the gates will not open and a siren will start blazing shouting your name. Your mail box will be spammed.

             – Once you enter directly come and meet the couple. Hand over the receipt to us, we shall direct you ‘accordingly’

             – Will have bouncers to throw out people who give me pictures of god, flower wase, bedsheets…if the above are really really expensive, i can think about it.

             – It will be mentioned in the invitation card that ‘its not enough to come with love and bless the couple. Bring any of the following Debit/Credit cards along.

              – If you are not able to attend the wedding, there is no problem. There shall be a tie-up with ICICI bank for NEFT and RTGS mode of transfer also. Mobile banking will also be working intact.

 

3. KASI YATRA :

         I shall make the trip to Kasi. Being the marathon runner, i shall make the trip to kasi. It shall take 6 months. The entire trip will be sponsored by Yatra.com and Bride’s dad.

4. DOWRY:

         I’ve promised my mother that i won’t give up culture. Depending on the market, it will be in terms of shares,equities,mutual funds, liquid;liquid plaus funds. The real-estate bubble is a scare so i shall not ask for land. Gold is a must. The exact terms and condtions will be discussed and delibrated upon before the agreement is signed.

      Consultant: N.K.Moorthy (Finance Advisor, Rane group)

5. PENPAKARADHU (Girl seeing session):

‘Pennukku aada theriyuma?’ (Does she know to dance) i ask.

‘Nalla aaduva, Coffee kuda poduva’ the reply.

She will come in with coffee. Heads down. I shall go reach for the coffee, by mistake i will touch her hands. Coffee tumbler falls. &Music&..AaaaAh…

Millions of doors will start opening. She will run from one side and i from the other..doors keep opening and flowers keep falling. Slow-mo..my hands and legs move up and down. Slowly. Veena riff will be playing. Cool music scored by Kunnakudi vaidyanathan.

Back to reality, i shall take my eyes of the ceiling and stare back at her.

‘Enna pa, Pidichirukkka?’ Periyaval will ask. I will nod my head. Vekkam thangamudiyamal, aval ullae poga, naan magichiudan sirikka, gettimela satham ketta udanae, manthram. Then nadaswaram……

5.  L.C.D display. It shall be telecasted to the U.S and other hot spots. OOH advertising revenues will be earned. Also will be in partneship with Samsung for the T.V.

6. The tambulam (what the guests take back with them) will have ear-machines, anti-snorers… They would be purchased in tender contract. Ear-machines will be imported from China.

More ideas are on their way…but i am at Bangalore with little time at hands.

Apart from that i am running the Belandur Run on sunday, November 2nd. Will be in Bangalore for a week more.

Will also run the Ultra on Nov 16th.

Why did i write this stupid post? This is pretty much how our marriages happen. Why?

That is exactly why our divorce rates are low, its an such a taxing experience that you will never want to have it ever again in your life. Once in a life time..’Inda manishan ooda kudumbam nadarthardae adoda parva-illa’.